If I Were Gary Gensler…

Disclaimer: This was written a while before I knew who all the players were and what was actually happening. See my Holy Torpedo Tits and Once Upon a Time in the Metaverse write-ups for more info.

Over the past few days, I’ve tried to think like I was in charge of this shitshow (so glad I’m not) and in the shoes of Gary Gensler instead of watching from the sidelines as an ape who only knows buy and hodl. I know as a professional and a problem solver that for every problem therein exists a solution to that problem. So, this is what I would do if I were in Gary’s shoes, theoretically to address said problems:

1. I would have absolutely work with the DOJ to put major criminal charges on the table and told hedgefunds to knock off their shit with all that wonderful irrefutable evidence provided by apes and my new enforcement guy.
2. I would reserve government funds to bail out pensions and retirement members directly instead of hedgefunds and banks — save the little guy, leave the rest behind. Hedgefunds are poison to the economy. Period.
3. I would have then executed a deal in which the economy doesn’t take the giant dump everyone says it will and make sure that the squeeze is carefully monitored and controlled by slowly releasing the valve on price action (extra breaks and pauses, perhaps), more so than those automatic volatility circuit breakers.
4. I would assert those breaks on an unpredictable schedule to keep FOMO at bay which would make the situation even worse than it is — although that may invite litigation from the stockholders and companies themselves. I would some days keep it even, let it fly a little, keep it randomized so as to temper the volatility and chaos and keep the market afloat.
5. I would make sure all “naked shorted” stock companies (the dirty thirteen and others?) got their fair stock value and profits they should have gotten but didn’t because of naked shorting. There is evidence that this may already be in place.
6. I would give hedgies a timeline — six months maybe — to offset the nightmare they’ve created and are still creating by artificially impacting the price and trading ahead of the market with their algorithmic bullshit — among other things. I know that timeline sucks, but from GG’s perspective, it makes sense.
7. I would also conduct an impartial external audit of hedgefund practices by not for profit group such as those experts groups who testified at the initial RH “Gamestopped” Congressional Committee Hearings.
8. I would push through emergency legislation in order to put a swift and decisive end to corrupt hedgefund and legal practices by accepting said auditors final recommendations and pushing past Congress going directly to the White House. It’s been done. It can be done.
9. I would close every single dumbass loophole with one anti-corruptive practices act that eliminates the following effective IMMEDIATELY: dark pools, PFOF, family offices categorization, market makers being for profit entities, and more.
10. I would make sure there was a crypto wallet disclosure regulation put in place, along with alternative asset markets like energy, real estate, etc. so I could tie it all together when, not if, these corrupt scumbags pull shit like this again.
11. I would, in short, do what even a stupid ape like me knows is possible. We have a ton of ridiculous legislation carelessly thrown into place last minute, so why don’t we put some powerful legislation into place last minute?
12. I would throw my entire weight of office behind ensuring a smooth transfer to the DeFi world in supporting DAOS and helping to build a better, freer financial world.

Obviously, this is all theoretical, but if a peon like me can generate some solutions to the bullshit being pandered in the media like “oh no, we can’t hurt hedges because PENSIONS!” and “retail will cause a market crash”, I want people to understand that there are solutions to these problems. And no, apes didn’t cause and are not responsible for any negative economic impact.

We are fighting to get the money we earned by doing our research and reading for countless hours at a time. Unethical and naked shorting hedgefunds are using the mainstream media that THEY FUCKING OWN to construct a narrative in which they are heroes for the everyman/woman/other, which is absolutely one hundred percent false.